best friend time

SLEEPOVER tonight:)

update later;*

it's been too LONG.

WOW; I haven't really blogged in a while . I am in my second semester of school :) It's okay so far. I like it, Nothing really to it. I making A's so far.

I have actually been really sick, BUT I'm hiding it really well again. Only a few people know why I'm sick and this stuff sucks..But it should get better before it gets worse, hopefully.

My life is actually really good, I think. Family, Friends, and Boyfriend are doing very good. We're moving this friday. Crazy I know, I've been waitihg all day to hear those words from my mom. I miss the old house, but the new one will be perfect :) It will be decorated with the colors of the new orleans saints and LSU :)

So I've made some new friends & rekindled some old ones. It's weird how the people you think that you'll never talk to are the ones you talk to the most. I seriously never thought about that. Crazy, huh. But I like it. They are somewhat showing me something new everyday. God maybe has sent them in for a reason. For a while, I thought God gave up on me with friends with everything that has went down from people in the past. So GLAD that they are out of my life. But maybe they are here for me and not to use me or treat me like crap, I haven't had decent friends in a while. & I am very happy to have some in my life now. :)


My best friend; Miss Rebecca Anne - honey child, I miss you and I know you have been checking my blog BUT I haven't had anytime to blog which sucks girl. I need to get that on my phone because I miss it alot. I hope CALI is treating you well, man I miss that place. I wish I could go back home. BUT i'm stuck here. Yuck. But you'll be back soon to make it better thank Jesus. I'm glad you got your hawaiian punch I hope it all works out in the end. :) My DC and I are doing good. L0L

...... So I spoke to Angel the other day and it's been almost 8 months since I last spoke to her. But I thought it would be nice to check on her. She is doing good and going to school, SO I'm proud of her.

my weekenddd (:

I found had some girl time with no DRAMA ; woot woot ! & I lovelovelove it. I needed that :) because I had to get rid of those chicks from my past - hmm. mom signs the new lease today ; dom & i are doing perfect ! thank god :)

So I haven't been on in awhile ; I'm sorry about that. So much has happened in such little time -- I have had some bad moments ; & good moments --;* But I think overall I'm better. I can be a bitch sometimes & hurt people |but| it's a guard I put up to defend myself ; sorry for that ! But I can't help it --> because I don't want to change myself. I added and deleted friends on facebook ;* I may regret that one day & I blocked people .

Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on. That's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong.

He told me that I'm pretty all the time.

No matter what.

& That means alot.

I came; I saw; I conquered.

I made the decision.

I'm happy with it.

I prayed a long time about it.
But it worked out.

I can't help that I'm sensitive and I get hurt easily.
I can't be a cold hearted person.

I can't give in to that.

But I'm happy. I'm in love. & I'm at peace.

It always occurs to me
How lovely you look today
Just how you smile that way
Makes my heart melt
Seemed like just yesterday
When you stole my breath away
You walked into my life
You completed my soul
When you walked into my life
You completed my soul

Now I'm in peace yeah, yeah
I'm in peace
Whoa
I'm in peace when I'm with you
You set me free
You're all I need
Lift me off my feet
Beauty Queen

Where did you find that soul of yours
You must have traveled through heaven
And searched through the garden of love
I swear there's a light
When your eyes touch me
It's like the sun, like the sun is.. reaching down from the sky
When you touch me with your eyes
It's like the sun from the sky

Now I'm in peace yeah, yeah
I'm in peace
Whoa
I'm in peace when I'm with you
You set me free
You're all I need
Lift me off my feet
Beauty Queen

Your whispering
It's uplifting
Sink into my body while I'm drifting
When you kiss me
Really truly kiss me
Connected by our hearts
We are one

well, it's true that i have been hurt in my life. Quite a bit. But it's also true that i have loved, and been loved. and that carries a weight of it's own. a greater weight, in my opinion. it's like that pie chart we talked about earlier. in the end, i'll look back on my life and see that the greatest piece of it was love. the problems, the divorces, the sadness... those will be there too, but just smaller slivers, tiny pieces. "

Your pulling me down;

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (Now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Keep you all where the light is
Just keep us where the light is

"You complete me"

Young and full off running
tell me where is that taking me
just a great figure eight
or a tiny infinite

love is really nothing
but a dream that keeps waking me
for all of my trying
we still end up dying
how can it be?

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

so young and full off running
all the way to the edge of desire
steady my breathing
silently screaming
I have to have you now

wired and I'm tired
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
baby this mattress will spin on it's axis
and find me on yours

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me


don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

6.15.10

I'm going to make the biggest decision of my life today.

I'm fucking scared.

Tonight was full of surprises :) Haddd a good talk with D.BOND :) I love this man. our anniversary was perfect ; hahah but we didn't see each other . That's for tomorrow ;) Lol I'm so tiredd . Well - I got a text that said I had a facebook msg from daniella. She apologized for everything. but I already forgave her. we had a nice convo about a lot of stuff . I will probably write more about this tomorrow . night.

Mark Salling as Puck on Glee singing "Sweet Caroline"

Perfect Voice :)

I'm addicted :)

I'm buying all the season's .
;)

My God, amazing how we got this far ;

I have to write this blog ;

Been wanting to for atleast three weeks now ;

I don't want a best friend ; i can't have one

They always screw up & then blame it on me.

But I think I will be , no I know I will be fine

with not having one ;

life as we know it :)

It's been awhile ; hasn't it . I know ! Sorry , life has been perfect :) Got a brand new phone ; the LG Rumor Touch . I adore it ;


Life ; Keeps taking my breath away . Still finding a new house ; but it's not as bad as it seems . School ; Making all A's and one B . Bleh . I love my school friends ; Melanie Brookman . Your amazing . Love ; Dominique and I are doing amazing . Thank God :) Family ; My brother made it back from Afganistan safely . But he is still the same brother I know. Dad ; another story .


SO I got the baby-sitting job ! I'm so excited :) It starts June 25th ; I love how when I told Rebecca she said ; Thank God . No one else said that & that's when you know you have a good , strong , christian in your life . The kids are adorable and very sweet :) & their dog is gorgeous :)



MICHIGAN on the 25th through the 29th :) I can't wait to see my sweet KATIE :) I am booking the flight right now :) This is going to be amazing . I may take a bus :) Who knows . So I found a bus ride for $140 :) I'm taking that :)

All of my trying, we still end up dying. How could it be.

The Lake was fun :)

Missed one thing though. Dominique.

But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best

Class wasn't a drag today, but I made it like that. I put myself into that negative attitude. My back was in pain and I wanted to cry when Mr.Snow said he wasn't going to be with us next semester. Ugh. I am comfortable with him. Wow. Someone new, I am going to have to adapt to everything that they do. Ughhh. let me shut-up, I should be a big girl and deal with this. But I can't. When he told me that, I wanted to PUKE. I wanted to throw up my stomach! I'm going to have to get past this. I hope we get someone good. Not someone old. I don't want a KNOW-IT-ALL either. I'd die.



.....................................................................................




I'm hungry. Melanie's and my cupcakes were a good thing ! Got alot of compliments. :)

I can't blog right now. My head is going to pop open. I don't want to work tonight.

My mind is beyond the point of return. My heart is saying one thing but my head is leading me somewhere else.

a fistful of glitterr :)

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. :)

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?
It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?




Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?


I so seriously wish I was that person that looked fear in the face. I can't do it. I think that is the scary part. I want to make that jump. That leap of faith. But I am being tied down by something or someone. Mary Beth you helped me who realize who that someone was. It was me. I hold myself back, because I am afraid of what I will feel for anything or anyone. I want to feel so much and recieve so much, but I keep focusing on giving so much. I wish I had the strength that this song does. I've never been touched so gentley that I cried. I want to FEEL that. Is that bad, that I want to feel all of this. I don't want to do something I shouldn't. But this is all new to me. I'm finding myself amist the ashes and fire. And I like the tingling feeling I get from being burned and hurt. But to be loved, that is a whole new feelings. A different circumstance. A new way. A road that I take, but the path is scary, because their are bumps and turns along the way.

I've never closed my eyes and just trusted. I wish that was possible with me. I wish I look someone in the eye and say, " I trust you, take care of me." I can't. All the things that have happened. All the misunderstandings and miscommunications along the line are holding me back. I wish I could WAKE UP one morning and feel and know love. Scary, I know. But for me it's terrifying. I know that God loves me and maybe that is all that should matter.

Your not a judge, but if you going to judge sentence me to another life :)

So i'm at a birthday/cookout/party :) write more about this later..

My song :)

Well, I know what you're doing
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
It must've been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There's not much to examine, there's nothing left to hide
You really can't be serious, if you have to ask me why
I say goodbye...

'Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price,
You're worth the price
The price that I would pay

Well everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can't figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There's nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

'Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price,
You're worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I'm thinking it over anyway...
I'm thinking it over anyway...

Ooh...

I've come to find,
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?

I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don't come and go

'Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
I don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
I don't suppose it's worth the price,
You're worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I'm thinking it over anyway...
I'm thinking it over anyway...

And I know what you're doing
I see it all too clear...

Trust me, I know how hard it is to lose people you cared about.

"Sometimes you strike out before you make a home run. The only thing you can do is stay in the game."

-Elizabeth Parsons


SO, yesterday I opened up to a friend. I don't open up on a daily basis, so this surprised me. But I had to get so much off my chest. Before I exploded. So I sent my friend E a e-mail. Because I know if I didn't. I would have flipped out over the course of the next few days. Gosh, Do I want to post the email up on this blog, but it would hurt people and I'm not into blogging to hurt people. Not my deal, okay? Maybe some other folks will. But that's them and their attitude.

The e-mail took forever to write, because I started writing about everything that happen in these situations. And I think the thing was, that I was scared that no one would understand me or criticize me for the way I feel. & I can't go for that anymore. It's hard as heck.

E undersood completely where I am coming from, I wish I could post her e-mail on here, too. But I'm glad that I can keep it between just her & I and not worry about the drama for posting an e-mail, from the people who read my blog.

After, E & I texted and I told her that I will do something that I am kinda scared of. I deleted and blocked a few numbers, emails, facebooks , and whatnots. The people won't realize and the thing is I don't care about what the think about me anymore. I got God, Family, The few friends I love, & Dom. So life won't be that hard.

Thanks E! For helping me get this off my chest and helping move on from the people that I've been allowing to drag me down. :)

Mid-term [ARE YOU SERIOUS!?]

SO this morning I was in a complete RUSH to get to school. Late, and not feeling that great. Didn't eat dinner last night, so I was all in a basket! And it was not good at all :/

I'm in the car, not feeling all to well. And thinking well my teacher may or may not be their. But who knows. Well when I got into school I ran into my program director, and ask him some questions, " What if you have a deaf client? & Are you really going to get me some volunteer work?" And then I asked the ultimate question, "is my english teacher here?" He said he didn't get an email on why she wouldn't be. So I was like okay, yay she's here after not being here for a couple of days. Time to turn in some work. Man, was I WRONG!

She wasn't there, and she sent an email to someone about taking a mid-term. WHAT THE HECK?! Oh you know, I was not happy. How could you have not been there and expected us to take one, after you haven't been there to review? Please, tell me I heard the SUB wrong. No, I didn't. But once I heard that, I took out my phone and emailed my program director and said, I need to see you ASAP! Which I needed to or I was going to lose my mind. Literally :X

He told me to take the test, and not worry about the grade, that calmed me down somewhat. But not that much. But soon after that, I spoke to the SUB and told him that I didn't want to take the test, because it was UNPROFESSIONAL for my teacher to not show up & give me a test. So he didn't give it out and he dismissed the class.

I went to see my program director and showed him the email. & he said he talk to the program director for business. So I'm happy. Thanks!

Now, I'm seating in the library, while Rach is sitting next to me reading my blog while i'm making a new post.

Done.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I absolutely love the title of this blog, it's by Mae West. She was an absolutely gorgeous bombshell :)



My weekend was great ! :) Worked on friday, then saw Mary Beth and Mom come to my job while I was leaving. I was off to my date. Dominique was their to pick me up and we planned the perfect day. First, Mellow mushroom dwntwn. Second, the mall to look and shop around. Third, IRON MAN 2. And it all got completed in that order. Mellow mushroom was DELICIOUS! :) I loved it, plus we were down their while first friday was going on and I took this flier for the A&E Dance Studio. I'm decidind on whether or not I should take dance again or whether I should just leave it alone and not worry about it. I think I will take it again. It was NEVER that hard for me :)

Saturday was good ! John A and Michael Reese, both graduated from Augusta State University. COngrats !!! Though I didn't make it to the ceremony, I did make it to the lunch afterwards at Wild Wing. It was delicious :) I had hot wings and fries. Their fries were huge. We ate with Mom, Mary Beth, Lacey, Laurel, Michael & his parents , Melanie and Aiden, & Mary Beth's parents. We had alot of FUN! Then I went to Kmart, while my mom had her meeting with Roger. I picked out six bathing suits, but I decided on this pretty red and white striped bikini :) Yeah, my body is ready for a bikini. :) I've been working hard with my pilates and yoga and bootylicious workouts ondemand. Heck yeah, I made it :) Lost some weight in the process too !

Sunday was church and MOTHER'S DAY! I had nursery ! WE only had chancelor, haleigh, and landon in their for a bit. Then church was over and mom and I went to wal-green's for some last minute gifts for people. After that I was off to Dominique's to give his mom her gifts. I gave my mom her gifts on saturday night. I got his mom this candle thing, a card, candles and some chocolate. It made her happy. So that was REALLY GOOD! :) Then I went to Barnes & Noble to type my paper for English and EDU. It was easy as heck :)

Well class is about to start. Bye.

" When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. "

*Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.

*Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.

*You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.

*When words fail; music speaks.

*Life isn't always easy, it's full of tough decisions and heartache,
and things don't always work out the way we hoped.
life just doesn't come with guarantees. and while it's true that sometimes,
by avoiding taking a chance on people, we can avoid some heartache,
we might also miss out on the best times of our life. don't be afraid to love.

*No matter how far you go down the wrong road, you can always turn back.


These quotes can seriously give me and maybe some other folks a boost. You can't just give up on everyone even though at times it is hard to keep going and completely unfair. I know that. & I don't like it but I do, do it. I keep trying to maintain that positive outlook on life, because what I put forth is what I am going to get out of the situation. Life is a piece of chocolate like Forrest Gump's mother told him, it will always depend on which piece of chocolate you choose. And trying to find the right piece of chocolate in the container is hard if you have no idea for what you are looking for. Life can be an easy road or it can be road that you have a hard time paying attention to. Life calls out for you to pay attention, if not then you will go the wrong way with you life & that will be a life that is ruined. No offense to anyone, but I do know some people who think their not worthy of having a positive outlook on life. What I want to say to them is get over it, life isn't easy. It's as HARD as YOU make It. Get it?! Maybe you will understand now. Your throwing your life away by saying, I can't be positive, YES you can. You can do anything you set your mind to. And it is SO annoying to hear someone put theirself down. It's like SHUTUP already. WE know you suck, because you keep telling us that you do. So stop it. If you want your life to suck, then it will. And also another pet peve of mind is people that don't think they are worthy enough for anything. Alright, your good enough to do whatever you want. & your the one that is kind of stupid enough to think that you are not good enough. I mean seriously grow some and grow up. Your mom is NOT always going to be around to say, " Awe, you can do it, your good enough!" Nope she isn't. So come on now people.

That's All I have to say today.

Everybody talk and everybody listen, but somehow it's always the truth that comes up missing.

"& Sometimes you just got to throw the gloves in and say, I'm done."

I'm not going to text anyone anymore. They have my number and they can text me. It's annoying, but true. Because then I hate getting that text, " I miss you" or "Why don't we talk anymore like we use to?" Hmm, well I don't know I think it is because we both have lives and mine doesn't revolve around yours. I will probably ignore alot of text MSGS now. Don't say that "Oh we should hang out soon" Because once you make plans with me, I'm not going to bail out, most likely in the situation someone else is going to bail out. I'm not going to put my all into it unless I know that you are. It's stupid, why should I put in 100% and you only throw in 50% of yourself. The math doesn't add up, does it?! Nope. You may say that I am being a mean person for this, but I'm not I'm standing up for myself.


Happiness; is something you have to find, not me for you. I can't fix every problem, nor do I want to hear every single thing that goes wrong in your day. It's pointless.I can't be their every single day. It's annoying. And you wouldn't know because it doesn't happen to you. Get it?! Nah, when people read this, their going to say, "She is such a B- for writing this!" Nope, I'm not. Sometimes you got to stand up for yourself, no one else is going to do it. So I'm not giving up, but I'm definitely not giving in. I can't do it. I can't have everything on me in a friendship. And I wouldn't put everything on the person who is in the friendship with me. Not fair.


Finished.

3.7 GPA :)

Overall GPA is a 3.7 WOW! I'm SO proud of myself. And that's all I got to say.

The time of my life :)

Friday was GREAT :) No school ! as always. But I went shopping with Christian & Charles. It was fun. They always seem to make me laugh :) Then I went to the gym to meet up with LIANA :) We had fun, but we're only their for a short amount of time. I miss her alot, We talked last night. I'll write more about that later. Work was next, from five to eight :/ Movie/Girls night with Rebecca Dawn was that night. She always makes me smile. We went to see Death at a funeral and then went to Chili's for dinner.

Saturday; ZOOOOO! Riverbanks zoo to be exact. & Dominique and I had a blast. We're going again soon . The tiger was asleep. Oh well. But I love it when we go out of town. It's just me and him and I like it that way. I like being selfish and wanting him all to myself when we go out of town. :)

Sunday; Church. Someone overslept; so they didn't come. Oh well. I had fun ! & then my mom and I went to Ruby Tuesday's. absolute favorite place to eat :)

But SO far; This weekend has been alot better than alot of other times. :)

Why do people in the South like Sweet Te

Why do people in the South like Sweet Tea so much ?

;& this made my day :)

"When it comes down to it I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them anyway."

Spirit Fingers :)

My TMA class and I now do SPIRIT FINGERS instead of clapping :) LMAO

I honestly love SCHOOL and the environment I am in :) WE all got up and read from our journals. And Barbie said that we are all SUPER STARS :) Lol I can't wait to move forward with these people.

WE had meditation in the Lab and I actually enjoyed it :) I'm waiting for Mister Tom to come get me. Then I have work soon; life is great. I'm emailing Charles Jenkins and Elizabeth Parsons right now. Matter of Fact I need to check her blog. :)

bye :)

My Prayer List :) Read & Pray

- That everything will workout the way that God wants it.

- Better relationship with my Mom :)

- That I keep the strong friendship I have with Liana & Becca :)

- For Becca to keep that positive outlook on life. & that both of her trips are very positive and fun. & that she will get a break.

- For Liana to keep up with the gym and that her and Jason keep a strong relationship.

- School, to keep my 98% average in all my classes, but I want to get that 100%.

- That Tyler makes it home SAFE.

- That Dominique still have that strong relationship :)

- That I get to go to the ZOO

- That I learn patience with people.

- Being thankful for tossing out the negative people in my life.

TWLOHA; Know the Facts & Help.

Quick Numbers

-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (World Health Organization)


- 18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)

- Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression. (U.S. Surgeon General's Survey, 1999)

- Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem. (NIMH)

- 2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.

Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)


About Depression
According to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of disability, with approximately 121 million people suffering with depression worldwide. The National Institute of Mental Health states that approximately 18 million people suffer from depression in America alone. Depression does not discriminate across age, race, gender, or class. Among teenagers it is estimated that 20 percent will suffer from depression at some point by the time they reach adulthood. There are also as many as 8.3 percent of teens suffering from depression for at least a year at a time, compared to 5.3 percent of the general population.
About Addiction
The stigma associated with addiction is one of the greatest challenges to recovery. Each year only 10 percent of Americans who need alcohol and drug treatment get the help they need. Yet with treatment and support, people with addiction can lead productive lives.

The Addiction Project has benefited from contributions by the leading experts in the field of addiction. Throughout this website you will find original articles written by experts featured in the Addiction series and more.


About Self-Injury
While not always the case, often untreated depression and other struggles lead to unhealthy ways in which we try and deal with the hurt and pain we are feeling. We try and find anything that we can do to take away the hurt, painful feelings, or negative thoughts we are experiencing. Often the things that we turn to seem to help at first, appearing to provide some of the relief that we need so badly. But, even though they may seem like they help, often they are unhealthy themselves, eventually becoming even greater struggles like addictions such as drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, or self-injury.

Self-injury remained very much a mystery until 1996 when Princess Diana revealed that she had struggled with it. It has become much more visible in society within the last ten years. Self-injury is also termed self-mutilation, self-harm, or self-abuse. It can be defined as the deliberate, repetitive, impulsive, non-lethal harming of one’s self, including but not limited to;

1) cutting

2) burning

3) picking or interfering with wound healing

4) infecting oneself

5) punching/hitting self or objects

6) inserting objects in to skin

7 )bruising or breaking bones and

8) some forms of hair pulling

While these behaviors pose serious risks, they may be symptoms of a problem that can be treated.

Experts estimate that 4% of the population struggle with self-injury. It has the same occurrence between males and females, even though in popular culture it can appear to be more prevalent among girls.

• Emptiness

• Inability to understand or express feelings

• Loneliness

• Fear

• Past Abuse

• Depression

Self-injury, like many addictions, is often a coping mechanism to deal with some manner of internal pain, many who struggle with it also struggle with other issues such as eating disorders and alcohol and drug abuse. While self-injury may be someone’s way to cope with or relieve painful or hard-to-express feelings and is generally NOT a suicide attempt, relief is always temporary, and usually only perpetuates a destructive cycle that continues the struggle. This cycle often means that those who do not get help can become more depressed and shameful, adding to the pain and need for relief, thus perpetuating the cycle.

The Dangers of Self-Injury - While self-injury may not be about attempting suicide, the damage done while harming oneself ALWAYS carries the risks of inflicting serious, and even lethal, harm to oneself regardless of whether suicide is intended or not. Also the continued cycle of addiction and self-harm, as in substance abuse and other eating disorders can have a destructive effect on one’s health both physically and mentally, and struggles worsen as time continues without treatment.

(SAFE alternatives - www.selfinjury.com)

Self-injury, like alcohol and drug abuse and eating disorders, is addictive, and thus not something that is easy to simply ‘stop’. However, while all addictions are very difficult to overcome, help and treatment are out there and available, and recovery and freedom are possible.We believe this is true whether someone’s struggles may be self injury, depression, drugs and alcohol, body image issues, sexual addiction, or other areas of brokenness.

& this is Spain :)

Fact; This is Spain, Madrid :)
Fact; I want to swim in this water when I am 87.
Fact; I want to live here.
Fact; I want my childrent to visit this place when their old like me.
Fact; I want to honeymoon here :)

This WAS a fantastic movie :) Scarlett Johansson was PERFECT :)

Input & Output :)

Today in EDU class;

1. I learned that what you put in to ANYTHING is what you get out of EVERYTHING.

2. I spoke up and told them about my job & how I really don't like the environment their anymore.

3. This guy told me some valuable things to do to people that somewhat piss me off.

4. I realized that I had to leave early to write this blog; & study for TMA EXAM 1 tomorrow. Lord, help me.



Yesterday, Was an experience all together. I went to Dominique's church. I was beyond the point of being terrified. But I DID enjoy it. I liked the sermon, Dominique kept repeating everything the pastor was saying in my ear. He was very distracting during church. Bad boy?! I know :) But you got to love him. Then we went home and WE ATE alot of FOOD. my stomach was talking the whole time we were at church.

After stuffing our faces, I picked out a movie for us to watch, " The black Dahlia" I liked it, even though I NAPPED like the whole time. I'm sorry. I felt horrible. But then I had to realize that we were SPENDING quality time together ;) And it was amazing :) He sure is a funny guy

Then I went home and did homework; which I got alot more today; Hmm. SCHOOL is alot of work and you have to put so much time towards it. But hey, I can do it ! :)

I had a LONG talk with Becca last night & it did both of us some good :) We realized that we are the same person. WE really are. Have the same beliefs and everything. I want to be like HER & she wants to be like ME. It's funny. But I know that only happens when you really find a true friend :) She is something special. Plus, I got to talk to little man last night about his nap with Charlie. :) Becca & I want to teach him how to read and my mom is going to supply more books for him and little princess. ( I don't want to put their names in my blog ) That'd be disrespectful. :) & I'm a good girl :)

Hmm; Drama? Save it for your momma :)

I'm done with the drama. My long talk with Liana at the gym yesterday totally helped :) Write more about this later.

Everybody dance now :)

Gym today; was AMAZING. I feel the BURN; Went with Becca & liana showed up :) I was so HAPPY ! Being with both of them made my day, seriously :) I miss the heck out of LIANA. I got so close with her then she had to leave, but she's back and now we are closer than EVER. We had a LONG talk in the Sauna with some RANDOM guy. Weird, I know right. Then we got finished after about a 2 & 1/2 hour workout. BTW; my stomach is talking again. I wish my mom would hurry up & get here.


But I may meet up with Ally today, no text yet. But who knows. Hopefully, I miss her :( And if she doens't text me I'm coming back to Fort Gordon to hang out with Liana at this Children's thingy they are having. Now this computer is telling me I have ten more minutes. Hmm, oh well I'll make the most of it.

TMA; My new life.

Things I need to focus on:

1.Meditation
2.Clear Minded
3.Having to be self-less, rather then selfish.


1.Meditaion: Hmm; this is going to be hard for me. I think so. But maybe I should say that it is going to be easy for me. If I say that it is going to be easy then, it should be what I say right. Hmm, I don't know. Nor do I have a clue. Truth: I need to get a clue about this meditation.

2.Clear Minded: That's naturally something that is easy for me. Not really that complicated. I just need to release all of my thoughts into a place in the back of my mind and just keep them their. Whether positive or negative; they need to go somewhere. It seems EASY, but not a thing in life is easy.

3. Self-less, rather than selfish: Oh, I know I've got this DOWN pack. I hardly care for myself as it is now. But hey, I do love myself and all that other jazz. But I'd rather help others than maintain the focus on myself. Hmm.

I love this new opportunity;

Late night conversations; can yeild your homework process. But in the long run they help.

Hmm; Last night I had a deep conversation with my boyfriend.


Topic: Me and the people in my life. & how some of them treat me and why I let it happen.


Well, we first started talking about why I was in school. Because I wanted to go to school to get people off my back. That's a bad thing to say. But honestly it's true. & I know it's not the right decision to go to school for. But hey; People are getting off my back about the stuff. & I LOVE school. Never thought I would care that much for college. I thought I would be a stay at home mom with the traditional two kids ( boy & girl), But hey when life throw's you lemons, throw them back :)

Then to the main subject. People who are in my life. Some people in my life I LOVE and always will and I know they have my back just as I have theirs. But other folks, NO! I decided that it's time to release them from my life. I let them treat me a certain way; & I felt dumb for that. But I got over it quickly. Like last night quickly. I told my boyfriend that I needed to take of myself and needed people in my life that would help me step by step; not one's that are only their when they need something ( they've got some screws loose in their heads).

And after this long talk, I realized that I was put here on earth to take care of myself and have positive people in my life.


Thanks Baby for listening to me and offering me some advice. & I LOVE YOU

04/14/2010

Today marks 18 months for my relationship with Dominique. I'm beyond proud of that. I literally have fallen hard for this guy. And I'm glad we stuck through all the happiness & hardships. It hasn't been an easy road, but hey we haven't given up and we won't give up.

Class was very good today. I'm over all having a BLAST at VC.

English 1000; Mrs.Connor's
;Nouns,Verbs,Adverbs,Adjectives,Conjunctions, Interjections, Preposition....Wait I forgot one;Pronoun. Damn. Missed one question on the test. But hey, I think I did great overall :) & that's good for me. Then we went over some other stuff. Hmm. I'll talk about that stuff later on. When I actually understand it :)


EDU ( Learning Framework ) 1010; Mister Bob
;Well, this man right here is very repetitive. But Hey, I need that to get the idea/concept into my head. Thanks Mister Bob! :) We always watched Lou on the screen again. I don't know what it is about his voice that kind of annoys me. But I need to hear that to be able to understand that. Then we did another practice with scotoma's; this one was hard. Hmm. But I understood after awhile. :)


Tonight I have alot of HOMEWORK; So I'll keep the texting to a minimum. Plus, I have TMA tomorrow, SO I have to study. Exam next week...hmmm crunch time, I think?!

i love this place.

i love this place.

Smile,

Today was kind of crazy :)

Woke up around nine-ish . Talked to Dominique on the phone when I got up. Now, we are about to celebrate a year and seven months. Thank God. I love this guy even though we have our ups & downs. But we always manage to fix them and move on. I'm seriously BLESSED to have him in my life. .... SO we chatted for a couple of seconds about what we we're doing today.

....Then I headed to the Georgia Bank & Trust to cash a check that was given to me from Samantha & Matthew. Thanks Ya'll :) And I saw my friend Valerie Ortiz's father. & talked to him for a bit. That was fun.

...Went to the gym & was SO excited to see Rebecca :) & we did some working out. Then we went to walk on the track with Emmanuel. Whoa. Now this guy right here, Hmm. Too much I can say about him even though I said less than 100 words to him. Guy don't go chit chatting with a girl; & FLIRT with her non the less, WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED. Now that is straight up just WRONG. :X You hurt my girl. Now she is stuc: she wants to try, but damn you messed it up homeslice. All I know is I am going to support you Rebecca with whatever you chose to do. ON TO THE NEXT ONE . babe.

....Dominique & I kinda had a rough start to our day. But oh well. Every couple isn't PERFECT. WE had a GREAT lunch at WIld Wing Cafe'. I definitely will go back their. I liked the atmosphere. Fun, Fun, Fun :) Doinique had a 12 piece wing with Medium Sauce and I had Drew's DELICIOUS Fried Chicken Sandwhich. Yummy, mhmm. Then we went to see Tyler Perry's Why did I get married Too? Really good :) Dwayne "THE Rock" Johnson was in it. Surprised me. Damn, one gorgeous man ;) Then we came back to his house and now we're watching March Madness The final four. I'm going for Duke & Butler.

...Today was a really good day. I miss home though. Like a place to call my own. A place that I didn't feel weird in. Lord, please give me a place to stay.

Last night, sucked ass. But Today got better . Went to the gym with Rebecca Anne :) & we worked our butt's off . Now we're outside ! Rebecca & Emmanuel are talking about his "couple of girlfriends" I have no clue what is going on. This is really weird. I know Rebecca is getting upset; I am too . I'm HELLA confused . & I think Rebecca & Emmaunel are too . :X

Becca & Emmanuel chatting it up ;)

Becca & Emmanuel chatting it up ;)

When it comes down to me and you . We use to be close , now I hate responding to your text . I know what was said bout me . & I didn't like it . I hate jealously & I sense it with our friendship now . It's your fault .

My Becca Anne :)

My Becca Anne :)

So this one is dedicated to my boyfriend.

You are the BEST person to walk into my life. You treat me with respect & nothing less than that. You love me for the person I am and the person I have become when I'm with you.

I love when you laugh & your whole body shakes with you. I love when you look at me & just smile. I love how you think your the best and you remind yourself daily.

I thank God for you everyday. Your nothing short of AMAZING :) I LOVE YOU BABE :D

Love's being a size 5 & Healthy :)

Love's being a size 5 & Healthy :)

I've got ALOT to update on, but I'M DOING IT TODAY. So life has been kinda horrible. But talking to my friends has been good. I LOVE when they ask me how I'm doing :)

Dominique & I are doing perfect. Thank God :) I really love this guy, he's amazing ;)

SO... I had orientation last night!! I love my schedule & I get to go to the gym with Liana everyday basically ! So we can get our BEACH BOD'S ready !!!

I haven't udapted in a couple days.... I know I'm sorry. I'll get back on my A-game :) So LIFE is kinda stressful... But it can't rain forever.

So Happy that Spring is here (: April sh

So Happy that Spring is here (: April showers bring May flowers, I think that's how it goes.

What I drew at the New China Buffet, ca

What I drew at the New China Buffet, can't you tell I miss Dominique. :(

My fortune cookie (:

My fortune cookie (:

March 27th,2010 is last my day at 1720 Rusk Drive. This really was the icing on the cake for a day that was really just not so good. I'm tried,frustrated,pissed-off, and I just want to cry. I am tired emotionally,physically, and mentally. I need sleep & I need a hug. I've cried three times today. This is rough. ): I just want to give up, but I know that I got to stay headstrong.. I'm frustrated with people. & Pissed-off because I didn't want to leave this place. This is/was my home. I'm use to moving because I'm a military brat, well used to be one. But this was my HOME. I can't say anymore.

My chick BAD (:

My chick BAD (:

At the mall with the besties (:

At the mall with the besties (:

Pretty crappy day. The mall was great. But....Idk. I just want my boyfriend to hold me. Their's moments when I need him. & this is the time I need him the most. I'm counting down the hours till I see his face.
But let's try not to focus on tht too much. I don't want to cry.
Liana, Ally, & I clicked today. I swear we burned like a million calories walking the mall today. Hahh. But they had a cookie :) I didn't :( We were complete STALKERS today of this guy Ally wanted a picture of. And I must say, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, Woot Woot :) And we tried on hats and I danced ALOT! And the funniest part, was these guys asked us, " ya'll look lonely". Ewww. LMAO. One of them was wearing(well looked like his mom's house slippers.) Lol. Liana almost choked on her drink! Ally was like laughing too hard! I couldn't breathe! Now that's fun (: Then we parted ways. Liana dropped me off at Wal-Mart. But on the way their we we're jamming to 107.7 fm & 98.3 fm. Singing and dancing tooo hard !

So I'm at the gym sitting in the Sauna with some chick. I feel proud of myself :) I've been coming steady to the gym & I never really stick with something... & I'm proud :) Heck yeah . I came today with Christian & Kayla & Her friend. Her friend was funny & I feel bad for forgetting her name I think it started with a C though. Today is going good so far. Woke up too EARLY! :) And gave my mom $60 & That was easy. But I won't give anymore money out. Nada, no way. It's just how things are going to be right now. Oh well. (: I'm proud of myself for making that decision. Actually I'm very proud of myself. I'm starting school soon, got a steady(but not a perfect job), and I'm surrounded by some good people. So far, life is going AHH-MAZINNN! Today is my day with Liana & Ally. I'm totally stoked. Just a day with my two bestie's. Woot Woot (: well I'll update this later. I'm out.

Well.... Today was... Well it had it's ups and downs. Mostly ups, but still some downs... Woke up around ten-ish & starting texting :) Charles came over and I worked on my page and we listened to the entire Dane Cook Cd!
;Then I headed to work & LIANA came to see me. It made me feel very SPECIAL :D We picked out heels, clothes & what-not. & I talked about my down issue of the day. She helped me :) & Got a cute toe ring. Haha & We talked about going to the Mall & Jay's soccer game.
I actually got home early tonight & called my baby right when I walked into my room and jumped on the bed and listened to his voice :) we joked, laughed, and played around it was AHH-MAZINNN :)
& now i'm just watching Jay Leno, even though I miss Conan O'brien. :(
Well I'm out.

Since high school, I'VE been trying hard to keep OUR friendship on a steady base. But Today, I realized that I can't and won't try anymore. I'll let you come to me...
I don't want to type about this anymore.

At the beach with my love

Imperfections equals beauty :D

Beauty is an imperfection about yourself, maybe your double jointed or maybe you have a gap. Maybe you have acne, like me. Or maybe freckles, a mole, or a enormous nose. Beauty is about being unique and gorgeous all in one.

"In your name I find meaning" Lifehouse. I absolutely loved today. I spent time with some amazing people, got some prank calls from "dorky" people, and had a darn good workout (:

I've got a new bestie/gym buddy, introducing Miss Liana Rose Alejandro. Woot (: i understand her & she understands me. It's hard to find people like that these days. & I can trust her. Thank God. So now I can add her to my list of Great Friends:Dominique, Rebecca M, Rebecca B, Samantha, Cj, Christian, & Liana. Those people are my close friends. And they each hold a part of my heart.

So they gym was Fun. We laughed & joked about the skinny guys who come to the gym and try to "BULK UP". And SSG Moore told Liana that she needed to add 50lbs to some machine she was doing. Then he asked me if I felt like the machine I was on was really working. Lol. All these questions demands from SSG Moore. But it was funny. & The lady in the yellow skirt. Oh Lord bless her sense of style. (:

After the gym, I went to see Kayla at work. I gave her car "heather" directions on how to get to the gym. Lol.

Now I'm home, listening to John Mayer's, "dreaming with a broken heart" while I'm in the tub texting. I know electricity & water. Bad idea. Well I'm out.

March 24th,2010 was SO beautiful & sunny :) woke up around ten-ish in the am. Shower felt great :) Then Dom came over & boy, was I looking great for my baby (: Then we watched two movies, "Fighting" & "Observe & report" . Woot woot. Then gym with Liana & Christian. Liana is such a sweet person :) we had a really good workout. I'll write more later.

My wondeful boyfriend came over today... We talked things out & everything is much better :) I love how we can work everything out and not lose each other in the process :) Then we went to Sonic for lunch; he had a burrito & I had a club sandwhich. Yes, yummy... Then we watched, "He's just not that into you". Haha. I related our relationship to the Jennifer Aniston & Ben Affleck's relationship in the movie. :) It was very interesting. Then Dom told me how to spit game. Bahaha. But I'll never "spit game". Lol.

Work. Hmm. I had fun making fun of things with "Double U" aka (Whitney Brooke). Lol . We made up dumb nickname's, talked about an old lady, and how she wanted to give me gum. All those our "inside jokes" people... :) Then I was in the back hanging clothes forever. When I say forever, I mean FOREVER :/ & We were so busy. Mary & I didn't get out in the time we expected. But it's okay. Oh well.

Later today. I heard that JUSTIN BEIBER is coming to the Gwinnet center in Atlanta :) Woot Woot :) & Yes I'm getting a ticket :D I'm totally stoked! I called Dom. No answer :X But Charles and Becca picked up . Yes :D But I had to switch girls day to sunday. I really hope I get to see her. I miss my first High School friend :X but i'll pray :)

"my.heart.is.drenched.in.wine" -Norah Jones.

This morning I decided to wake up to her voice instead of John Mayer's. Very weird for me;But I wanted to try something different. I slept; but not to well. & i cried myself to sleep. I know I'm complicated and I have SO much on my mind. But I can't tell anyone. Because I'm the person EVERYONE else comes too.

Blah. Today was ridiculous. Horrible. I tried. I hate when my feelings overtake my actions. It's not good. But I can't help it. I overreact and freak out. I don't know how to fix it. I hurt myself & other people close to my heart.

So Here's my apology:
I don't mean to flip out on ya'll. I never do. But I want to feel my way. It's not good. But I promise I'll work on it. I can't stop crying when I'm hurt. But please forgive me :)
-Lacy.

Tomorrow will be better. I know it will. Even if I am not feeling well. I still will try.

Tiger Woods: Okay. What you did was wrong. But I think people are taking this too far. Can't they let you and Elin handle it on the your own. It's seriously not the publics business. I hope you and your wife can handle it......

Cheating is DEAD WRONG! But it's no one else's business except the people involved in the situation. It's annoying to turn on the tv or read a magazine and all you hear about is CHEATING! It's not right but it's not the world's business. Gosh.... Do people not understand that!

Quite irritable. Is the way I would describe my day. I just let everything get to me which is not good. My whatchamacallit is here. So I'm not a happy camper. Ugh. I lost my cool a couple of times. I just need to pray.

It worked !

Trying to see if this works.... Hopefully :)

John Mayo;Taylor Laundry;Bradley Pooper.

So John Mayo & Taylor Laundry & Bradley Pooper are amazing & Charles won't believe that. He never will. Oh well.

By the way, Today was a great day ! Sam got an important phone call that made her extremely happy, but someone tried to ruin her happiness. It didn't ruin her happiness, it just wanted her to hit a girl !
I woke up around 8:30am because some neighbor wanted to redo their roof. I wanted to sleep in. But no luck. Damn. So Dominique came over this morning/afternoon. I missed him since Sunday. But I will see him on Saturday we have a date @ California Dreaming at 4pm. I'm stoked and my outfit is going to be hot ! I can't wait to see the look on his face !

SO IT'S GOING TO SNOW! Finally, thank god !!! I can't wait to actually play in it !

- l.i.f.e right now

So it's been a while since I have been on here. Life has been hectic !?! But I like it that way. I think :) Right about now I'm watching a Vin Diesel Movie with Samantha. Haha. We had a sleepover and stayed up till about 5:00; I think. I finally got a day off. Thank God ! So I'm ready for friday ! Like I can't wait to see my Rebecca . She really cracks me up. I have no idea what we are doing or where we are going. I just know that it's going to be after five pm. So, I fell asleep to my john mayer cd last night. His voice is just like unexplainable. It's hard to describe.


Dominique went to my house to today and didn't tell me. I felt bad. But he didn't tell me. I do love that boy.